Tag Archives: Amazon.com

BurqAmerica….

26 May

So next Spring my book will be published in North America and Canada, thanks to a lovely little publisher’s called Skyhorse. How cute is that name? It reminds me of galloping ponies in the clouds, maybe even unicorns and Care Bears. I like it a lot. It wouldn’t be the same if it was called SkyTiger would it? That would just sound like a cheap airline. Or SkyRacoon, or SkyMillipede,… ugh. I think they picked the right name.

Apparently I will have to edit it a bit for the American market, which may mean inserting a happy ending where Dubai is completely finished and everyone lives happily ever after, but who knows. Maybe I’ll just have to change all the s’s to z’s and everything will be fine. Either way, I’m happy to have another play with the text. As a perfectionist I’m sure I could re-write entire chapters if allowed, which I won’t be. I’d like to write a few songs in, too, as I know American’s like things with songs in them. Maybe Miley Cyrus could sing something when a little button is pressed on the cover? I’d like that. I think book shops would like that too – imagine the whole store blurting out Miley Cyrus at regular intervals! It would get annoying after a while though, the song would overlap itself as kids pressed different buttons at different times. An eight-track Miley Cyrus in stereo. The staff would have to wear earplugs. The book would eventually get banned… which would actually be cool because everyone always wants what they can’t have. Perfect. Let’s get it banned!!!

Anyway, I’m excited about this. I love America and I really, really hope they like my book. Canada’s nice too, though I’ve only been to Niagara Falls, so I can’t really comment on its people. The only people I met there were people like myself, all wearing bumbags and taking photos and saying things like “Ooh my gooood, there’s so much water!” I’m sure they’re nice too though. I hope they like burqas.

I should say, Amazon.com still have the book listed, which they shouldn’t, because although they’re letting you order it, it won’t be delivered till America actually gets it in stock, NEXT YEAR. So don’t order it yet, else you’ll be waiting ages! Same goes for the UK. It hasn’t been sold in the UK, so even though I’m British I have to change things like Boots Meal Deal into Starbucks SuperSize and you have to pretend I’m from the U.S. If anyone would like to print it in the UK please do, but tell us first, don’t just go photocopying it. We will find you.

I’m excited. I want to go to America and have a launch party so you must all come. I understood when you couldn’t come to the Australian one because it’s really far away, but America is the centre of the universe, so there’s no excuse.

PAAAAAAARRRRRTY!!!

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How not to write a launch speech…

2 Feb

It’s not easy, penning my thoughts for tomorrow night. I don’t really like being the centre of attention (OH SHUT UP, I DON’T!!!!) and reading aloud to a room full of people is something I’ve hated ever since a primary school teacher made me stand up and recite the alphabet on my first day, and I could only pronounce the letters phonetically. Everyone looked at me like I was weird, which I may well have been, but as I’ve said before, Elmo and Big Bird seemed to think that was the best way to teach me, and who argues with them??

I still don’t know how many people are coming to the launch tomorrow night, but the sudden realisation just struck me that while I have always been a pro at organising events, I usually only organise them for people I know. And when it’s people you know, you don’t really mind if you come across as a bit inarticulate (read: PISSED). When it’s people you don’t know, however, it’s probably not a good idea to grab a mic and slur ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart” like you’re in a karaoke bar, or expect the audience to think you’re funny when you try and burp the names of your most honoured guests. Of course, I wouldn’t even think of doing either of these things. Well, that’s a lie, of course I’ve thought about it, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this whole paragraph, but I probably SHOULDN’T, and that’s my point. Dammit.

It’s been a bit of a mad couple of days… yesterday I signed some books for the store Angus and Robertson and watched them stick these little shiny ‘signed by author’ stickers on them, which was so weird. And then when I walked past again they had put them in the window! I wanted to take a piccy to document the occasion but nerves got in the way and I thought the lady in the shop might think I was a moron. When I went to snoop in Dymocks, they had put three copies on the bottom shelf of the travel memoir section, which we all know no one ever looks at. I stood there for a while, fighting disappointment. It’s kind of tough you know… knowing how much work you’ve put into something, all the hours, all the heartache, all the hangovers… and then when the end result appears, it’s shoved below a MILLION other books with no hope of ever competing. It’s not something you can really moan about though. Because as soon as you moan, everyone just says you’re lucky it’s there at all, which is true. Very true. I shall not moan… but I won’t lie either. I want a Burqalicious SHOP. I want t-shirts and airplanes printed with golden, sparkling wings to match. I want a Burqalicious charity for abandoned black items of clothing. I want special edition Burqalicious Marmite and Burqalicious Arabic tea bags by Tetley. I want a Burqalicious theme park, like Harry Potter got. These are all things I also won’t be saying in my speech, by the way. So sssssssh…

Today I got my first Amazon.com review, which was also pretty cool, and my good friend at the Telegraph wrote a lovely piece and posted it on the website along with that burqa photo. It’s all a bit bizarre, seeing things like cool promo style shots, considering I started out taking stupid photos like the one above, which I just dug out again for amusement value. (It’s actually a painting, but doesn’t he look real?!)

I suppose my speech tomorrow will just end up being one of gratitude really, more than anything else. Because in all seriousness, that’s the overpowering emotion I’m experiencing right now, regarding all of this. Gratitude for all the people who’ve supported me so far, to my friends and family who’ve bought the book already, to the amazing people in the diary entries themselves, who I loved and sometimes lost; who inspired me and when it mattered most, loved me back. And gratitude of course, for the magnificent team of people who pulled together and turned my random scribbles into the book that’s now on the bottom shelf of Dymocks.

Thanks! And see you tomorrow at the launch! xox

Burqalicious – The Dubai Diaries is on Amazon…

5 Jan

Whoooo hooooo I have a page on Amazon.com!!! I’m very excited about this, even though it says the book is out of print, AND it has the wrong cover. That was the OLD cover (tut). Not sure how they got hold of that. Anyway, at least it’s on there. I’m dreading the reviews coming out, which is why everyone who knows me must write a NICE one. OK? Even if you hate it. Otherwise I’ll cry. No, seriously, I will cry.

I do love how you can also buy some discounted Muslim clothing from the same page. How thoughtful…

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