The Secret Beasts of Bali…

11 Jun


At present there is something HUGE flying round outside my room. It’s not a bird and it’s not a butterfly and as the light fades outside I’m increasingly afraid that it’s actually a Balinese dragon that previous to my sighting, has actually remained undiscovered. Seriously, this thing is fucking massive.

I don’t have Internet in my room and I’m out in the middle of nowhere on the outskirts of Ubud, with only a replay of the MTV Movie Awards to keep me company. So if my computer is discovered amongst the remains of my dragon-chewed corpse, and this blog is posted by a random at some point in the future, you’ll know I wasn’t simply just being paranoid. There’s a weird clicking noise too… kind of like the aliens made in Close Encounters…

Not only am I being stalked by what was once called a “mythical creature”, I tried to leave the resort today, only to be snarled at by a stray dog. One of the stray dogs I felt sorry for yesterday, I might add. I walked up the road, amazed by the beauty of this local’s village with its tiny temples everywhere and emerald rice paddies and some of the most colourful, indescribable flowers I’ve ever seen, but the snarling dog called its mates and before I could take so much as one photo I was surrounded at all angles by the cast of 101 Dalmatians. Terrifying!

I had to leg it back to the hotel to a chorus of barks, which I’m sure translated as “Get the FUCK off our land, ignorant white girl!” The reception guy came running down the drive towards me, waving his arms to shoo the dogs away, just as a giant lizard ran in front me, stopping me in my tracks. The biggest lizard I have EVER seen. So, in front of me I’ve got an apologetic Balinese hotel employee, behind me I’ve got the K9 version of al-Qaida and in the middle is a fucking massive reptile, just staring at me with its big beady eyes. Ridiculous. I half expected an oversized Indonesian bird/human eating tarantula to appear and flick me the V with eight legs, just to top off the parade.

And I didn’t get a photo of any of it. Rubbish.

I retreated to my room, did some work on the day bed (overlooking my miniature plunge pool thank you very much) and then, retreated to my suite, only to be stalked by the flying dragon. It’s still there, bumping into things like bugs do. It must be part dragon, part dragonfly or something.

The light is really fading now, but I can still see its huge winged shadow against the champagne pink sky, silhouetted alongside the palm leaves. It’s like the closing scene of Baywatch, with monsters. I think it’s getting bigger. Maybe it’s the type of dragon that shrinks in the daylight but gets seriously gargantuan at nightfall,… like one of those mini spongy toy things you put in water to make expand. I had a penis shaped one, once.

It’s going to be too dark to see it soon. Something’s still clicking…

I think I’m going to have to turn the telly up and close my eyes, and hope I survive the night.

Day 1, I was totally enchanted by Bali, oozing spirituality and feeling on top of the world. Even though a greedy, aggressive monkey forced me to lob my ice-cream on the floor to save getting savaged, I got a ride home from a super cool “literary event” on the back of an expat’s motorbike which made up for it. Awesome!

Day 2… well, Julia Roberts never mentioned any dragons.

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One Response to “The Secret Beasts of Bali…”

  1. hormigat June 16, 2011 at 7:48 am #

    I don’t know what they feed those dogs, but let’s just say their barks counter the soothing effect of the nice welcoming smiles of their masters…

    PS: “”I had a penis shaped one, once. “” .. Gee, me too… wierd stuff….

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