Could ‘Prom’ be the worst movie ever?

23 Mar

Up until now I thought the Justin Bieber movie was the worst movie in the world. Not that I’ve seen it of course.

I shouldn’t really judge without seeing it, and actually, having watched some of the Bieb’s early You Tube videos from back when he was an irritating pre-teen who sat on picnic benches and performed to people who didn’t have jobs in trailer parks, I think he’s pretty talented. So no… I shouldn’t judge. I can just imagine that it’s not very good, really.

But anyway, up until now I thought movie making couldn’t get any more shameless. Up until roughly six minutes ago I truly thought that marketing for the mass teen and tween market couldn’t get any worse.

Roughly six minutes ago, however, I saw this.

Yes. It’s called PROM MOVIE. How head-fuckingly, gob-smackingly awful does this look?!? I feel like I just got punched in the face by Walt Disney himself.

First his people give us killer mermaids in the new Pirates of the Caribbean, which is horrid in itself, as we all know mermaids are lovely beings who don’t do anything but sing miraculously well without gargling or spluttering under water. AND NOW they give us this. This monstrosity, which surely makes the Justin Bieber movie look like Citizen Kane. Oh how we feel for these troubled and scarred individuals, so much on their plates, so much to learn. (Which outfits to wear, which shampoo to use, which guy or girl’s heart they’re gonna squish in pursuit of their own self-enlightenment and sexual awakening).

I already know what’s going to happen in PROM MOVIE, coz, just like they always do in trailers these days, they’ve shown us the whole flippin’ thing in condensed form before it’s even been released. There’s nothing “teaser” about trailers these days is there? The filmy people know we’ve all got the attention span of a wet tissue… why would they risk “teasing” us when they know full well we want a conclusion NOW, else we’ll boycott the whole thing and render their nine month production process a flop?

It wasn’t always this way, though. Remember when we had to wait nine whole YEARS for Mulder and Scully to hook up? Nine years!!! That was more than half my lifespan back then, when I was a fan. That’d never happen these days. We can barely last a two minute movie trailer without having to know what’s ahead. RIDICULOUS. Wet tissues… the lot of us.

Disney, you should be ashamed of yourself. Grow up and make another Fantasia or something. And do it NICELY. Don’t give Mickey Mouse a gun and a prom date just coz you think it’ll make more money.

Oh fergodssake… go on then. The “teaser” for that would be pretty cool.

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