Something Cool. And Something Not Cool…

12 Jan

COOL: The prospect of owning a jet pack! I just saw this in the news, in an article about how we’re living in the future. And HOLY SHIZ, we are!!! It says the makers have “managed to engineer and manufacture a jetpack that is not only practical, but is as affordable as a Porsche 911,” which admittedly isn’t very affordable for most of the modern world, but still, prices will come down. If they’re flying this thing around a warehouse now, it’s only a matter of time before we’re all hovering into work every morning, balancing our skinny lattes on a specially designed tray accessory, which we’ll strap around our waists (is it bad that I’m already wondering how I’d transport my daily coffee on such a device?).

I can’t frickin’ WAIT to get my jet pack! Apparently they travel for 30 minutes at 60 miles per hour, which is a helluva lot faster than the 381 from Bondi. I never was a very good driver but fuck it, I’d get L plates for one of these babies in a second, wouldn’t everyone?! I wonder if every office block will be built with landing pads outside each floor, in future? Elevators are so last season. Jet packs would also mean terrorists couldn’t gain much satisfaction from blowing things up , as jumping out of a window in the event of an emergency would be FUN! Therefore, jet packs might mean world peace for all mankind in future, right? Bring it on!

NOT COOL: The first “stuffed” burger from Burger King. I’ve never seen anything as unholy in my life, except perhaps cheese-in-a-can. The Jalapeno and Cheddar BK Stuffed Steakhouse comes to us courtesy of Burger King, for a limited-time-only, thank GOD. This edible monstrosity consists of “100 percent beef patty infused with Cheddar and jalapeño bits, topped with creamy poblano sauce”. Yikes! It looks like it’s already been through someone’s digestive system – which is probably a good thing as it’ll save the human body some grief.

It’s the concept of a “stuffed” burger which causes the most offense, I think. Isn’t a burger already stuffed? Between two bready bits? The burger itself isn’t supposed to be stuffed. It’s like stuffing a bleating lamb with pig parts, pushing it down a hill and calling it a pork sausage roll. It’s just WRONG. What’s wrong with just lamb, on it’s own? Must we manipulate everything nature produces naturally?

My head hurts. I’m going to do some real work now…

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