Problems with pictures…

3 Nov

Today I got told that Burqalicious – The Dubai Diaries will have pictures in it. This is due to the fact that there are six blank pages left after everything else has been squeezed in and rather than fill them with a plea for someone to hire me so I don’t ever have to leave Australia, we thought it might be more useful to provide some illustrations to the story.

These back pages will now comprise a selection of photos, taken during my time in Dubai. Unfortunately, they’ll only be black and white versions as I’m assuming full colour, high res shots are uber expensive and I’m only a new author who no one really knows. But still, this  is probably a good thing because for the most part while living out there in the desert, I was a beetroot red, sweaty mess, covered in wine stains. At least shades of grey will help disguise the horror of my actual being.

It’s a shame that I won’t be able to show the fleet horse, or the karaoke bar, or the home made ‘biscuit beds’ our Iranian landlord placed in our shared bedroom (along with subscription porn) in all their glory, but to remedy this I have decided to put the same pics in full color on this blog eventually, so anyone who cares enough can still experience them properly when they’ve finished the book. I think it would be a sin not to share the Iranian’s ‘art’ with the world, for a start – he’s waited so long to be appreciated. More about that later…

On the subject of photos, I’m also having a bit of a dilemma choosing the ‘author’ pic, which is set to go on the inside cover (I think). Before getting a book deal I assumed that every author was entitled to a glamorous photo shoot complete with gay hairdresser wielding curling tongs and lashings of champagne for the occasion, but apparently this is not the case. FOOL. I have to provide my own, which is proving problematic. What would you do if you had to choose one photo to represent your true self from the terrifying masses you find of your drunken, pie-stained person every Monday, tagged on facebook?  It’s a bloody nightmare.

We all have a thousand photos of ourselves out there, and we may even have a few we quite like. But when you’re forced to choose ONE that’s set to be printed five thousand times and placed on a variety of Aussie bookshelves for all to judge and ponder, it’s suddenly impossible to find a good one. I’ve never taken on a task so tough and the levels of vanity such a mission reveals in oneself is freaky. Maybe I should just send in a drunk one after all and be done with it? It’d be a true representation of not only me, but the decadent Dubai lifestyle in general, I suppose. Hmmm….

Off to raid my old hard drive…

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2 Responses to “Problems with pictures…”

  1. Simon November 3, 2010 at 9:20 pm #

    Perhaps you should simply include some abstract sketches of your time there? (draw them on the back of beer coasters and scan them)

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